It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize