Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
