therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
