If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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