So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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