Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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