I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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