Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's always time for handjobs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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