i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize