dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
