Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
