Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
