My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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