i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
