i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
