I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
nutella sex= disaster
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
