He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
