rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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