you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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