David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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