go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
