i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
