Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
