peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
