How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You are a genius and a whore.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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