eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
