Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
