Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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