This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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