Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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