did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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