I've blown a few things in my day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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