I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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