I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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