His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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