Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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