her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
