alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
