I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
