Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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