careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
