i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
