After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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