i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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