no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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