Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
