And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
