You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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