remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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