and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
