Betty ford says i'm here all night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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