My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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