So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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