We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
