alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just puked most of my soul out..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
