I can text with my tongue
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
