sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
