I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
