Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
