It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
