two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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