I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize