i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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