and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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