I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
