You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
