The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
