You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
