I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
