I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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