There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
