im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
