He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
