I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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