Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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