? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
