I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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