Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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