okay pat passed out under dana's car
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
