The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i've created a new STD.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He? As in you personified your dick?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
