I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
