Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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