If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
