All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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