sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
