I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
