Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
