apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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