She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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