I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
