omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He did a backflip because drugs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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