Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
