Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
as a side note pls kill me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
