Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
only you would photoshop your dick
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
