I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
