So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
