Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
