Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
