Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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