yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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