god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
