Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize