i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
