did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
