So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
