i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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