god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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