I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
