I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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