were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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